


You Keep Tearing Me Apart

by WrittenFire



Series: You've Got A Hold Of Me [1]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Arizona Coyotes | Phoenix Coyotes, Bathroom Sex, Established Relationship, Heavy Angst, M/M, No happy ending here guys, Post-Trade, Public Sex, not until the third installment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 20:43:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8224220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrittenFire/pseuds/WrittenFire
Summary: He couldn’t bring himself to say that he stumbled over a book Mikkel had been reading and left behind, that he found himself unable to fall asleep in a bed that still smelled of him.


  That he sent a single text asking why, and never received a response.


  Those weren’t the kinds of things people wanted to know.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Soo, yet again we have [my hockey girl](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bananamuffin) to blame for this. I actually wrote it just after the trade, if I remember right, but she wouldn't let me post it until now lol 
> 
> I like this a lot, even though it's a bucket of angst. Hope you all enjoy it, as well.
> 
> P.S. [Mercy by Shawn Mendes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkGVmN68ByU) is what we have to thank for the titles. Woo.

Oliver wishes that he could say that he saw this coming, that he was prepared for it. But if he was going to be honest, he hadn’t. Yeah, he knew that the trade was an option, that Mikkel had been talking with his agent, that rumors had been circulating over it all.

The thing was, though, that when it came to it? Oliver had been left in the dark.

Things between him and Mikkel had slowly drifted; there was a tension that couldn’t be ignored, and a lingering fear that left a bitter taste in his mouth. They had done their best to ignore it—or, at least, Oliver had. He couldn’t say what had been going through Mikkel’s mind during the months leading up to the trade. He’d been a closed book about it, saying all the right things to settle but never the truth.

Looking back on it, Oliver realizes he should have known.

For all his faults, Mikkel never shied away from talking things out, to fixing before things became too bitter.

The fact that talk about the trade became a taboo should have been a flashing, neon sign of what was too come.

Oliver wishes he had listened to it.

 

\--

 

The weeks after Mikkel left—his things following, a moving team taking them and leaving his home bare—passed in a blur. Oliver knows he went about his life, attending practices, going to games; but if someone were to ask him to give a detail about it, he wouldn’t be able to.

He couldn’t bring himself to say that he stumbled over a book Mikkel had been reading and left behind, that he found himself unable to fall asleep in a bed that still smelled of him.

That he sent a single text asking why, and never received a response.

Those weren’t the kinds of things people wanted to know.

 

\--

 

It takes Oliver time to be able to lift him out of the haze Mikkel’s leaving left him in. He’s not proud of how little attention and care he paid to the rest of the team.

He’s not the only one Mikkel left behind. Oliver isn’t the only one reeling, hurting.

It just takes some him some time to remember that.

 

\--

 

When the fog lifts, Oliver’s left with nothing but anger.

 

\--

 

“Why didn’t you tell me? You knew you were leaving; what choice you were making. Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

Silence is his only answer.

 

\--

 

After the disastrous phone call where Mikkel fails to give him an answer and nothing gets resolved, Oliver decides he’s had enough. He’s done. There is nothing he can do to fix it; Mikkel won’t try and relationships are a two-way street. Until he decides to man up and tell him, to have an actual conversation with him, there’s no point in dragging whatever it is that they had on.

Deciding that, Oliver sets to doing what he should have done a month ago. Finding everything he left behind and boxing it up, he puts it aside, so he no longer has to look at it—he no longer has to think of it. He wishes it were as easy to set aside memories as it was possessions, to box every remembrance of soft words and days spent wrapped around each other away.

It would be nice, to be able to lay in his empty bed at night and not remember the way they moved together, how they fell asleep and woke up tangled into each other.

If only it was as easy to stop being so stupidly in love with another human being.

 

\--

 

Life after that doesn’t get better, but it gets easier. He finds himself enjoying the game again, finding comfort in the friendships that surround him. Spending time with his teammates quickly turns into one of his favorite things; it keeps him busy, active—happy. Oliver guesses that’s why they find it so easy to talk him into going to a crowded bar that night, even though they’re less than subtle about their intentions—to get his mind off things in a manner he hadn’t been able to, until now. The compact bottle of lube that Smitty shoves into his back pocket is a testament to that; though he could have done without the ass groping that followed.

 

\--

 

The guy who manages to wrangle him away from the group is basically Mikkel’s opposite in every way, and not shy about how he’s hoping the night will end at all. Though he isn’t sure how ready he is for that, he can’t deny that he likes the attention. Their knees are bumping into each other beneath the bar, bodies leaning in towards one other without actually touching.

Before long there’s a hand resting high on his thigh, thumb sweeping as the guy gives him a look that sends his blood rushing south. Oliver is just starting to think that he can do this, that he can spend a night getting lost tangled in someone else’s sheets—

—when Mikkel shows up, obnoxiously squeezing his way between them to place an order at the bar, knocking the hand off his thigh and the guy away from him in the process.

Oliver takes a moment to be startled by it, by Mikkel showing up at the last place he expected him to be before his face hardens, body tensing as he puts space between them. He looks away from him in time to see the man he’d been flirting with move back, grabbing his drink and shooting a look between Oliver and Mikkel, noticing by body language alone what the situation between the two of them ways.

“Sorry, I’m not about to get in the middle of whatever this is,” he says, shooting a regretful look Oliver’s way before leaving, blending seamlessly in the crowd.

Oliver watches him walk until he can’t anymore, turning to glare at Mikkel, who was still standing too close, a frustrated look of his own on his face. “What the hell are you doing here.” He questions, grabbing his forgotten drink and downing half of it in one go.

“I came down to pick up the rest of my stuff.” Mikkel answers, turning to him, lips twisting with some unidentifiable emotion. “That looked…cozy.”

“So what if it was?” Oliver lifts his chin, daring him to say something.

Mikkel’s jaw clenches, grip tightening on the beer in his hand. “You shouldn’t be with him.” He finally bites out, looking down as he utters his next words. “He looked like an ass; obviously only had one thing in mind.”

Oliver slams his beer down, quickly standing, needing to get away from him before he said or did something he would later regret. He walks away without a word, ignoring the table of their friends entirely and stalking into the bathroom, relieved to find it empty. All he needed was a minute alone, to get his feeling back under control and to process that Mikkel was here, that he came to get the rest of the things he had left behind.

Gripping the sink, he shuts his eyes, taking a deep breath and holding it in for a few seconds before letting it go. Seeing him again, hearing his voice for the first time in so long left him in knots he wasn’t sure how he would untangle. Hearing the door open he loosens his hold, prepared to let go so he could leave the room, not wanting to be stuck in there with a stranger while his head was spinning so.

When he hears the click of a lock he wrenches his eyes open and spins around, eyes widening the slightest when he sees that it’s Mikkel.

“Were you really going to go home with him.”

Oliver finds himself gaping at the words, at the undercurrent of jealousy he has no right to feel. It takes all of a second for him to react.

With a low, frustrated growl Oliver pushes against Mikkel’s chest, shoving him up against the wall and resisting the urge to press their bodies flush against each other, his whole self wishing to do as they used to. "You fucking left, you asshole. You don't get to be jealous or protective over me, not when you're the one who walked away." Spinning around he drags a hand over his face, running it through his hair as he turns back to face him. “That's not how this works, Mikke."

“I get to be upset when the first time I see you in months, there’s another man’s hands on you.” Mikkel argues, grabbing his shoulder and using it to spin him around. “I get to feel whatever the hell I want when I see you looking at him like you used to fucking look at me.”

“No, you don’t. Mikke, you _le—_ “ Oliver is cut off by the mouth that slams against his, teeth nipping at his lower lip before a tongue quickly forces its way in his mouth and presses against his own. He couldn’t stop the low moan if he tried, fingers quickly tangling in hair as hands gripped his hips and pulled him close, flush against a body he’d been missing.

The only way he could describe their kiss as is angry, full of the emotions that were rushing through them. Oliver pulls back from it after a time, panting and trying to catch his breath. Mikkel takes that as an opportunity to trail wet kisses down his neck, nipping at that certain spot he knows drives Oliver crazy.

Oliver responds by rolling his hips, whimpering when Mikkel reaches around and grabs onto his ass, squeezing briefly before letting go and flipping them around. He kisses him heatedly, open-mouthed and sloppy as they scramble at each other’s pants. Before his pants are too far gone he scrambles to find the travel sized bottle of lube one of the guys had shoved in his pocket earlier, popping the cap and squeezing a healthy amount onto Mikkel’s fingers.

As Mikkel works him open Oliver loses himself in another kiss, slowly relaxing under his ministrations; when he feels he’s ready Oliver slicks Mikkel up, briefly wishing they had a condom before forgetting everything, focus entirely on the point where their bodies meet.

This was going to solve nothing, he knew; but with his legs wrapped tight around Mikkel’s waist and their bodies moving in a dance they knew only all too well, he couldn’t find it in him to care.

 

\--

 

Its only after they’re done, separated but still together, hearts pounding as they tried to catch their breath that Oliver let’s himself remember why this was a bad idea in the first place. Besides the harsh sound of their breathing it’s quiet, things becoming tense again all too soon.

They move apart and clean up in that silence, neither one speaking until they look presentable again.

“Are you ever going to tell me why?” Oliver hates the way his voice cracks half way through, how he can’t hide how this entire thing is making him feel from Mikkel.

Shoving his hands in his pockets Mikkel stares at him, eyes roaming his face like he’s committing it to memory before he looks away, jaw clenched once again.

“Mikke…”

“I’m sorry, Oliver.” Mikkel finally says, stepping back and reaching behind him, the sound of the door being unlocked and opened almost deafening. “I’m so sorry.”

He shoots him one last long look, his expression showing the heartache Oliver feels in his chest, before stepping out of the room, the door clicking shut softly behind him.

 

\--

 

Oliver stares at the door long after he’s gone, heart shattered into pieces and feeling lost and left behind all over again.

**Author's Note:**

> Well. Not a happy ending, but man. Is it bad that I love it?
> 
> Also it might please you to know that there will be a sequel in Mikkel's POV, and _then_ another in Ollie's POV again that finally gives us that happy ending these boys deserve. So, we have that to look forward to.
> 
> But until that's done, if you want to read a GREAT fic dealing with the trade that is finished and has a happy ending, [Built To Fall Apart](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6246187) is the one for you.
> 
> All that said, thanks for reading, I really hope you liked it, and please, leave a comment! ^_^


End file.
